Sunday, April 09, 2006

Like a Stone

Just waiting for my rice to cook... what a strange thing to have a yen for at eight o'clock at night. Another odd bit to add on to the pile of odd bits that has been growing over the last ten or so days. This last week has not been a good one, but it hasn't been the usual sort of bad one, either. I feel like a huge pinata filled with distressing thoughts was beaten open over top my head, and I've been fighting to see through the ugly little pieces raining all on my parade. And when I say distressing thoughts, I mean it. I have never felt quite so alone before, so despairing. I thought spring was supposed to be the season of hope and those tingling pleasing burgeoning possibilities. Instead, everything is in question. Everything. And, there is no one that can help me figure it all out. Which really, really sucks.

Visited Mom with my aunt and uncle today. The whole time we were talking my leg was shaking under the table, you know, that nervous jittering that highly-caffeinated people are usually subject to. First time I've ever had that happen. But, it was a weird situation, I guess. The cafeteria guy was cutting up these huge roasts for the Sunday night dinner, and every new roast he processed, he'd slice off the little end and pop it into his mouth. Made me really want to yell out, hey, toss a piece of that cow over this way. Yum.

Mmm, speaking of food, I think my rice is ready. A small delight.