Sunday, December 18, 2005

still living with your goodbye

After the jazz concert held at my campus that Josh and I went to on the fifth, I've been questing for a good vocal recording of the song 'Misty'. I downloaded the only one they had on iTunes, done by Sarah Vaughn, but it wasn't what I'm looking for. BUT, in my search for the song, I found an artist named Misty, and I purchased two of her songs. She's got this funky, sort of jazz-twangy voice. I'm totally diggin' on her.

Last few weeks have been pretty busy. I can't wait until Christmas... both because I need those three days off, and because once Christmas is over, we can start cleaning up our wreck of a store. Last week, they had to put me on cash because it was so busy, and I think Karrie picked up on my irritation because she ended up bribing me... I'd been stashing this stuffed puppy dog in the back room, waiting to buy it when I got paid, and she ended up getting it for me. Which managed to make me feel incredibly guilty for my grumpiness of late. I just want to tell everyone: I don't LIKE being grumpy. I don't MEAN to be. I just hate my job some days, especially these days. I've already had to apologize to, like, two of my coworkers for being rude to them. I'm not a bad person! I swear! Argh.

I have to start gearing up for my Nan and my Auntie Carol's disappointment in me when they find out I'm not coming to my Uncle John's for Christmas. I know I should go. But, the idea of having the apartment to my self and being alone on the quietest day of the year... it's an appealing idea. It is times like these when I wish I had a boyfriend so that I'd at least have a real excuse for being a no-show. I have a feeling my family thinks I'm an aloof, snobby person, but really, I just feel so awkward around them it's painful, and I wish there was some way I could let them know that it isn't because of them. It's just that I can never think of anything to say, I feel totally inadequate and insecure... I just turn into this antisocial mess. Avoidance seems like the safest option.

It's about time for me to start my major culmination project for class. I think I am going to write about the road trip that Lorraine and I took up to my home town in 2004. There's a lot of stuff from the past and present that I could throw into it, so I'm confident I won't have trouble spewing out 4000 words. I am so happy with my mark on our first paper... I was very proud of the finished product, so I'm glad that I have instructor approval. I just wish I had more time to write, more time to focus on just creating things. I WAS working on an old(er) poem yesterday... two hours past in the blink of an eye. I'm stuck on it, though. Some is missing, and also, I'm without a title. SO, I've closed it up and I'm not looking at it for a couple of days. Hopefully a fresh eye will help pave over the rocky points.

And, because I think that is enough of playing ketchup for today, and because I have to be up at 5 in the morning, I'm going to end this post. I have much more to say, but not enough energy to say it. I hope for a good Monday tomorrow.


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